Helicopter - Parenting.

What Is Helicopter Parenting? 

          Helicopter parenting refers to "a style of parents who are overly focused on their children,". They typically take too much responsibility for their children's experiences and, specifically, their success and failures. In simple words involved in a child's life in a way that is overcontrolling, overprotecting and over perfecting, in a way that is in excess of responsible parenting." 

How to Parents behave in Helicopter Parenting?  

Helicopter parenting can apply at any age of children. In toddlerhood, a helicopter parent might constantly shadow the child, always playing with and directing his behavior, allowing him zero alone time. In elementary school, helicopter parents may ensure a child gets a certain teacher or coach, select the child's friends and activities, or providing disproportionate help for homework and school projects. In high school or college-aged students with tasks they’re capable of doing alone but the parents do their homework, helping them in wearing cloths, choosing cloths for them etc. 

Why do Parents do this? 

1. Fear of dire consequences:

2.      Parents might fear my child may have a low grade in class, rejection from the school, fear of unhappiness of the child, struggle, not excelling in class etc.  

2. Feelings of anxiety:        

3.         Worry about the poor performance of the child, anxiety of the child injury, about the future, job etc. Worry can drive parents to take control in the belief that they can keep their child from ever being hurt or disappointed  

3. Overcompensation: 

4.         Adults who felt unloved, neglected, or ignored as children can overcompensate with their own children. Excessive attention and monitoring are attempts to remedy a deficiency the parents felt in their own upbringing.  

4. Peer pressure from other parents:

5.         When moms and dads see other over-involved parents, it can trigger a similar response. "Sometimes when we observe other parents over-parenting or being helicopter parents, it will pressure us to do the same," 

    

The Effects of Helicopter Parents: - 

        Helicopter parents start off with good intentions. "It is a tricky line to find, to be engaged with our children and their lives, but not so meshed that we lose perspective on what they need," 

The helicopter parenting effects are widespread, but may include these five factors. 
 

Decreased confidence and self-esteem: 

 "The main problem with helicopter parenting is that it backfires,". "The underlying message [the parent's] over-involvement sends to kids is 'my parent doesn't trust me to do this on my own.'” This, in turn, leads to a lack of confidence. 

Undeveloped coping skills: 

 If the parent is always there to clean up a child's mess—or prevent the problem in the first place—how does the child ever learn to cope with loss, disappointment or failure? Studies have found that helicopter parenting can make children feel less competent in dealing with the stresses of life on their own. 

Increased anxiety:  

A study from the University of Mary Washington has shown that over-parenting is associated with higher levels of child anxiety and depression. 

Sense of entitlement:  

Children who have always had their social, academic, and athletic lives adjusted by their parents can become accustomed to always having their way and thus they develop a sense of entitlement. 

Undeveloped life skills:  

Parents who always tie shoes, clear plates, pack lunches, launder clothes, and monitor school progress even after children are mentally and physically capable of doing the task prevent them from mastering these skills themselves. 

How to Avoid Helicopter Parenting? 

            As parents, we have a very difficult job. We need to keep one eye on our children now their stressors, strengths', emotions and one eye on the adults we are trying to raise. Getting them from here to there involves some suffering, for our kids as well as for us."  

In practical terms, this means letting children struggle, allowing them to be disappointed, helping them to work through failure. It means letting your children do the tasks that they’re physically and mentally capable of doing. Remembering to look for opportunities to take one step back from solving our child's problems will help us build the resilient, self-confident kids we need." 

 

 

Cord Care in Newborn- Things you should know.

        Umbilical cord is an ideal substrate for bacterial growth and any infection of the cord has the potential to directly spread to the blood stream. To prevent such infection:

• All cleans should be practiced during cleaning the umbilical cord”:
  1. Clean hands, 
  2. Clean surfaces, 
  3. Clean Cloths.   
• Stump should be kept dry and nothing should be applied. 
• Nappy should be folded below the stump to avoid any soiling.
•  Application of cow drugs,ashes,etc should be not 🚫 be done
• 
  
  
  
  

Note: Dry cord care versus 70% alcohol has no statistically significant differences with regards to the occurrence of local infection, systemic disease, granuloma, bleeding. However, time of cord separation  has been found to be significant shorter in the dry cord care group. So avoid application of alcohol. 

Quick overview.

Parenting Tips to Prevent Sibling Rivalry

 

 

 

Sibling Rivalries develop when parents do not give equal importance to their children; they may unconsciously create competition and comparison between their own children that may, later on, result in major differences amongst them. It is the duty of the parents to teach their kids how to respectfully handle interpersonal relationship amongst siblings. 

Just like every problem has a solution so the sibling relation can also be enhanced through communication along with various ways being used by parents:

1. Parents themselves should stop making comparisons between their children. They have to highlight the strengths of each child and accept their weaknesses without any criticism. They should not play the card of favouritism or take sides.
2. Parents should spend individual attention to each child, by spending one to one time with each child and ask them about their personal likes and dislikes to make a special bond with the child. They can further guide them to describe the positive qualities of their siblings during a few of the interactions.
3. Whenever possible, let them settle their own differences and if required the parents should sit and resolve the differences between the siblings, especially in a contest of inequality in terms of strengths and eloquence.
4. Parents should never dismiss or suppress your children’s resentment or angry feelings. They should acknowledge and let the child guide how to ventilate that energy constructively.
5. Make the older sibling feel important, and especially teach them the concept of sharing.
6. Parents, first themselves need to express self-control and then help the child learn the same. Parents should focus more on the positive qualities of the child and appreciate for the same.
7. Parents should boost the self-esteem of their child, avoid the use of sarcasm and demotivation by all means. Parents should not label one child as intelligent and other as dull, one as slow/stupid and the other as street smart.

 

1. Parents should work as a team, and not as an individual. Parents should teach each kid to be responsible for their conduct and actions, and privileges come along with responsibilities.
2. Parents should introduce the concept of empathy to their kids, in order to make them aware of the impacts of their own behaviours towards others.
3. Parents should also teach their kids to be gender sensitive, and give respect to each other beyond that.
4. Parents should teach their kids to set their limits; they are additionally required to teach their children to respect each other irrespective of the age, avoidance of physical as well as verbal abuse.
5. When sibling rivalry becomes excessive in the form of physical or verbal violence parents should take the stand against the bully and if required take the help of a professional family counsellor.

Last but not the least, we all should work together in changing the perception of the society, believing in an equivalent treatment to both the kids, additionally, providing them with a fair share with their rights and make sure that they understand that in spite of differences between the siblings, this relationship is forever.

Problems Parents Face During Adolescence child.

 

The value of relationship between parents and children are priceless. The parents love for their child is high during childhood days; gradually behaviour changes during adolescence phase and get its rational state during mid- adulthood and vice versa. The love for each other lasts forever but the way they express and behave during the course of life time make things unimaginable.

Perspective of children of today's generation

These generations’ children see relationship as momentary and temporary. They call themselves as a different species of mankind only. They give high priority to gadgets, accessories and materialistic things. They breathe on virtual and imaginary world. For them relationship is all about being with their girl friends or boy friends only. Neither they have emotions and feelings for self and parents. The biggest challenge today’s parents and children are facing is the relationship issues especially during adolescences.

Adolescence is the new phase of child's life

“Adolescence is a new birth, for the higher and more completely human traits are now born – G.Stanley Hall”. This is the beautiful period in life. Every child would experience different feelings and thoughts. They seek for their presence of self and identity. It’s time for nurturing their thoughts through proper channelization and filtration process. The great leaders and achievers have started sowing their thought seeds during this phase, weeded out unwanted activities and processed their action plans towards attainment of their goals.

Unfortunately, children today are deeply engrossed in their lives with so called 'relationships'. Relationship is the most beautiful and precious things that happens to everyone in life. How we see and handle them makes much difference in our life and people around us. These days’ children are emotionally connected with virtual love. For them texting and telling them 'I Love You' makes the best in life. The focus is on girl friends and boy friends only. Love for self and parents doesn’t exist in their world only.

Virtual Love

In the absence of virtual love, they feel devastated and lost in life. They behave so weird that they loose control on self, unable to process their thoughts, manage emotions, does harm to self and finally sees them no where. They see everything as an illusion and couldn’t get out of it. That’s the time they get in touch with their inner self and need physical presence of a person to handle and mange their emotions. They think of their parents then.

Parents - Child Bonding

Parents and child need to develop greater bonding and understanding during adolescence period only. Children tend to seek for their personal identity, process of exploring and discussing new things that they hear, see and feel. It’s the most productive phase in one’s life. Parents play a major role in guiding a child. Listening and spending quality time with their children is paramount. They set guidelines for their children and teach the values of life and relationship.

Living a Life with Purpose

Children should understand that living a life with a purpose is essential then being carried away in the virtual world. They have been treated differently by their parents and society. Nothing much special about them. Need to realize technology can’t replace human values in life. Ultimately, we all wanted to be appreciated, cared, loved and supported by real people not by machines. Always reality is away from idealism.

It is important for parents to show love, respect, care, affection and gentleness by all means to their children. Children must reciprocate to this by taking accountability and responsibility for their actions. There are no perfect parents and children. But there are plenty of perfect moments along the way. Similarly no relationship is perfect, accepting each other with their own limitations makes the relationship perfect.

Strong Parent-Child Relationship! - How to Build

 

The most important kind of relationship is what a parent shares with the child – the better the relationship, the better the rearing can be. A parent-child relationship is one that caters to the physical, emotional, and social development of the child. It’s a unique bond that every child and parent experience, enjoy and nurture.

1. Understand your responsibilities as a parent 

Parents must prepare their child to become an independent, fully functioning adult by being a guide, mentor and a friend. The parent has to understand the child’s need and act according to it and not force upon their choices and needs onto them.

2. Respect each other’s boundaries

It is important for parents to allow their child to have increasingly more privacy and autonomy. Allow the child to explore around and guide wherever needed and encourage them to learn from their experiences. Restricting them from exploring might affect their confidence level and the child might become dependent on parent to face new situations.

3. Listen carefully 

All human beings wants to be listened to and heard, and children are no exception. Some issues might seem like a small issue to adults, may be a big deal to kids. The parents should learn listening skills that will help them to understand the emotions their child may be trying to convey in conversations. 

4. Spend time together and Laugh 

Sharing some good time with your kids creates the feeling of togetherness and can make them feel happy and makes you feel less stressed.

5. Express the feelings to each other 

Everyone has need for appreciation and affection. Make an effort to point out the good qualities of the child and make them feel good about it.

6. Remain calm at the time of stress

 Nothing gets resolved at the time of stress rather one might express negative feelings onto the wrong target. One should try to relax and take some time off before interacting with loved ones.

Ways to Promote Physical Activity of Your Child.

 

Physical Activity For Kids

The key to good health is good food, good mood (mental stability), and a lot of exercises or physical work. When it comes to children, the mood is generally not an issue, thankfully they being innocent enough to ignore the world. Parents can take care of the good food as well, might be tricky as well, but it is manageable. But to get them into doing physical work is a real task for parents these days.

One of the top reasons is it being the digital era when children have so much content in the digital space to kill their time with. But that raises a serious threat to their health. It is important to get your children to move from in front of the TV/Mobile/Laptop screens and get them moving.

Dr Neha Bansal, a child specialist recommends some ways to get your child into doing physical work:

Reward System

If you are sure that your child acts too problematic without mobile phones, stipulate a mobile using the time for them. The trick is to keep it as a reward for physical work. If they go for a half an hour walk/exercise, they get to use the phone for 15 mins and so on. This is a clever way to get your child into doing some exercise.

Get their peers

It is really difficult to get children to do something on their own or alone. A trip to the park with his/her parents isn’t as much interesting to them as going with fellow children. So, plan with fellow parents or get your child into an aerobics or dance group where he/she is motivated and have company.

Everyday routine

Set up a routine, walk your child to the bus stand or school (if it’s near). Walk them to the market along with you for everyday chores. Let them help in the household. Make little things count.

Physical activity is as important as food. Encourage your child to stay active & fit!

If your child is obese or have other problems and suffering from his/her health, you should take them to a specialist rather than trying home methods. Physical Activity For Kids

The key to good health is good food, good mood (mental stability), and a lot of exercises or physical work. When it comes to children, the mood is generally not an issue, thankfully they being innocent enough to ignore the world. Parents can take care of the good food as well, might be tricky as well, but it is manageable. But to get them into doing physical work is a real task for parents these days.

One of the top reasons is it being the digital era when children have so much content in the digital space to kill their time with. But that raises a serious threat to their health. It is important to get your children to move from in front of the TV/Mobile/Laptop screens and get them moving.

Dr Neha Bansal, a child specialist recommends some ways to get your child into doing physical work:

Reward System

If you are sure that your child acts too problematic without mobile phones, stipulate a mobile using the time for them. The trick is to keep it as a reward for physical work. If they go for a half an hour walk/exercise, they get to use the phone for 15 mins and so on. This is a clever way to get your child into doing some exercise.

Get their peers

It is really difficult to get children to do something on their own or alone. A trip to the park with his/her parents isn’t as much interesting to them as going with fellow children. So, plan with fellow parents or get your child into an aerobics or dance group where he/she is motivated and have company.

Everyday routine

Set up a routine, walk your child to the bus stand or school (if it’s near). Walk them to the market along with you for everyday chores. Let them help in the household. Make little things count.

Physical activity is as important as food. Encourage your child to stay active & fit!

If your child is obese or have other problems and suffering from his/her health, you should take them to a specialist rather than trying home methods. 

Temper Tantrum-Toddler

 

How to Teach Kids to Be Smart About Strangers?

One of the biggest fears amongst Indian parents is child abduction,but that is not the thing happening, there are lots of other things like sexual harassment,harming the child etc.

"Don't talk to strangers" has been the rule for many parents for generations. But sometimes it's a good idea for kids to talk to strangers. Who else will they turn to if they're lost and need help?

So, instead of making a rule, it's better to teach kids when it's appropriate to talk to strangers and when it is not. When your kids are out with you, it's fine to let them say hello and talk to new people. You are watching the situation and will protect them.

But if your child is alone and approached by a stranger, that's a different story. Tell your kids that if a stranger ever approaches and offers a ride or treats (like candy or toys) or asks for help with a task (like helping find a lost dog), they should step away, yell "No!" and leave the area immediately. Your child should tell you or another trusted adult (like a teacher or childcare worker) what happened. The same goes if anyone — whether a stranger, family member, or friend — asks your child to keep a secret, tries to touch your child's private area, or asks your child to touch theirs.

Most kids are likely to be wary of strangers who are mean-looking or appear scary in some way. But most child molesters and abductors are regular-looking people, and many go out of their way to look friendly, safe, and appealing to children. So, instead of judging a person by appearance, teach kids to judge people by their actions.

It's also important to encourage kids to trust their own instincts. Teach them that if someone makes them feel uncomfortable or if they feel like something's just not right — even if they can't explain why — they need to walk away immediately.

So, what happens if your kids are alone and need to approach a stranger for help? First, they should try to find a person in uniform, like a police officer, security guard, or store employee. If there are no uniformed people, look for grandparents, women, and people with children who may be able to help. And again, remind them about instincts: If they don't have a good feeling about a certain person, they should approach someone else.

Some of the words used by the strangers to kidnap them         The “kidnappers” used phrases that are very popular and should’ve alerted anyone that heard them: 

•   “Let me buy you some candy?” 
•   “Let’s go feed the pigeons?”
•   “There are squirrels running around. Let’s go see?”
•   “Your father asked me to bring you to him. 
•   Let’s go!”Some of the most effective methods are requests to help some small kittens or puppies. 
•  Some criminals often pretend to be policemen, doctors, or firefighters.

It's not possible to protect kids from strangers at all times. But it is possible to teach them about appropriate behaviors and what to do if somebody crosses the line. Keeping these tips in mind can help your kids stay safe while they're out and about. 

Here are some things we can do to help our kids be safe:

For a child age 1 and up

• Teach them their name and their parents’ name(s)
• Under three years old, I don’t talk about “tricky people” or “bad people.” But, if I am in a situation where I feel uncomfortable, I show it with my body language, and I tell my child “I don’t like being here… I don’t feel safe right now. We’re going to leave.” Even at this age, I want to start teaching them to trust their instincts.
• Tell them they need to stay near you when you’re out in public, set boundaries – tell them where it’s OK to go and what’s not OK. If they step outside those limits, or refuse to hold your hand in a parking lot, or whatever guidelines you have set, then there should be consequences (e.g. you need to leave the park, or you need to carry them in the parking lot.)
• When going anyplace where you might become separated, put your contact info somewhere on them (e.g. on a card in their pocket, on a bracelet, etc.). Also, take a picture of them that day with your phone so if you become separated you have a photo of what they look like and they are wearing.
• Teach healthy touch: high fives and fist bumps, patting on the back, brief hugs, etc. Don’t force your child to give a hug to someone if they are not comfortable.
• Teach them names for their body parts, including private parts. It is best to use commonly used terms (e.g. penis or vagina), not family euphemisms. Feeling comfortable with these words makes it possible for a child to explain if something inappropriate happens. (Learn more.)
• You should always know the basic description of your child at all ages, so if they are missing, you can tell searchers: how tall they are, how much they weigh, piercings, tattoos, birthmarks. Take good head and shoulder pictures at least every 6 months (every 3 months for young children.       

 For a child age 3 and up:

• Everything listed above, plus:
• Be sure they know their address, parent’s names, and parent’s phone numbers.Help them know what adults you trust. Tell them: “if you ever feel scared or need help, then ____ and _____ are adults you can talk to.
• ”Talk to them about how to find a trustworthy stranger if they somehow become separated from you and need help. You could teach to look for a police officer, but they’re rarely around. So, I also tell my children to look for a person who is working there – I help them identify workers – they’re standing behind the check-out counter, or they’re wearing a uniform. I also tell them they could go to another parent – someone who has a child with them. From time to time, we practice this – I ask my child to look around and identify two people who they could ask for help if needed. Also, point out “safe spots” – the places they are most likely to find helpful people.
• Talk to them about “tricky people” and what behaviors are red flags. Don’t try to cover it all in one big “talk” – it should be an on-going dialogue.
• If your child is uncomfortable around someone and wants to avoid that person, don’t dismiss this. Respect your child’s instincts.
• If you go somewhere you might get separated (the zoo, an amusement park, a large event), talk to them on the way there about the importance of staying close to you the whole time. Tell them that if they look around and can’t find you, they should stop where they are and you will find them.
• By the time they are three, teach them that the parts of their body that are covered by a swimsuit are private. They should be kept covered around other people, and other people should not touch them there, except for parents or caregivers who are briefly helping to clean them, or a doctor, when the parents are in the room.
• Don’t label your child’s clothes or backpacks with their name in big, visible letters. “Tricky” adults often use a child’s name to convince the child they are safe.

As your child gets older, and more independent:

• Everything listed above, plus 
• They should know contact info for multiple trusted adults, and have a plan for how they could contact them. (For a younger child who doesn’t have a cell phone, they should know how to seek adult help. For older kids with phones, they need plans for what to do if their phone battery dies.)
• If going someplace  you may get separated, have a plan in advance for where you would meet up again. Make sure they can describe it to you, and from time to time, ask them “do you remember where our meet-up place is? Can you point to where it is?”
• A responsible adult should always know where they are. Set boundaries on where they can go, ask that they check in with you from time to time, and require that they check in if their plans change.
• In the places they frequent, they should be able to list “safe spots” where they could go for help if they were feeling worried – for example, if someone at the park was making them uncomfortable, they could go into the nearby convenience store. They should also know to avoid unsafe spots – isolated areas with no one around.
• They should know how and in what circumstances to call emergency number.
• They should know never to answer the door when they are home alone.
• They should know never to approach a stranger’s car. If someone calls them over to a car, they should not go.
• When out and about, they should use the buddy system, not go places alone.
• If someone offers them money, or an easy job, they should be wary.
• Consider a family password so that if you ever could need to send an unexpected adult to pick them up in case of emergency, your child could ask that adult for the password to be sure it’s really someone you sent. You could also use that code word or another one for your child to communicate to you “I’m feeling unsafe and I need your help.
• ”Tell them to trust their instincts. If they’re worried about something, they should talk to you or another trusted adult who can help them problem-solve. If they’re very frightened, they should call emergency number or shout for help. Tell them it is better to seek help and find out that everything is actually OK than it is to not seek help when things really are bad.
• Give kids examples of “tricky behavior”; have them describe how they would respond.
• Don’t talk about “bad touch” because sometimes sexual touch can feel good or can “tickle.” Instead, talk about “secret touch” that the other person wants you to hide from people, or touch that makes them feel wrong after it happened. Let children know that if anyone ever touches them in an inappropriate way (or makes the child touch them), that it’s not the child’s fault and they will not be in trouble with you. Perpetrators may first involve children by showing them pornography – let your child know that if someone shows them pornography, they should let you know.
• Explain that you’re teaching safety rules because they are more mature and ready to be responsible. You want to give them more freedom, but you also need to be reassured that they know how to stay safe.

©Dr.SHEBIN C E

For Consultation :- https://www.practo.com/kanyakumari/doctor/dr-shebin-c-e-paediatrics